dreamchaser

taking the time to appreciate and be grateful for friends who've picked me up when I've fallen. 

also thanks for inspiring me, dreamchaser. 

incredibly proud and super happy that you did what you thought (?) was impossible. 

happy airport picture 😌 (first proper nice picture together after so long ?!)

still very thankful that we were able to support you all this while. now to conquer the big As together. not gonna be easy but knowing that we have each other's back provides some sense of comfort. 

x maddy

D. muscipula

Meet my new pet it is a Venus flytrap from biology practical the other day. 

Super excited to bring it home because when I look at it I think of a teacher than I respected, she inspired me so much. It sounds very ridiculous- I was (only) 11 and she was a very broken individual but in her brokenness she taught me to dream. So looking at my new pet gives me a little joy in the good times we had together- she taught me so much and I am indebted to her (: 

This was an edit she did of the picture of we took. I taped it onto my date-stamp! She said the traps looked like pairs of lips, hehe. 

The one I gave her was larger than the one I'm growing currently-- it is cultured in the lab so it's freaking fragile and tiny I love it. 

Lab lab lab 

Also it's amusing how my classmates don't believe I have green fingers (I don't really think so either but...) so they are betting on the lifespan of it, but it's a tough plant I think it'll survive!!(: 

and...

USS tomorrow because world cup😌 and my bro is a beast he got us free tickets! 

till the next time! 

x, maddy

(thoughts) for the sun loved the moon so much he died every night to let her breathe

"If you love it let it go, if it loves you it will come back." 

Beyond that "it" sounding like a pet or something I think it applies to people too.

Eventually people who are worth it will make their way back and whoever isn't, it just isn't meant to be.

Lessons re-learnt in a conversation over Whatsapp with cool dude who is overseas, I wish he'd come back really. Too many people are overseas/ flying off for my liking. Or does this mean I should just go too? I have no clue.

It's just that I haven't learnt to let go of things I love yet I think, it hurts too much to let go cos I'm selfish and I want to keep them for me. Maybe they're not meant to be mine maybe they are beautiful free, maybe it's enough to have given until it hurts, and it's time to stop and be on the receiving end if it ever happens (super doubt it). 

Also I do hope that time and place- circumstance will be my best friend. It isn't yet but I hope it will be and I hope I get over shit soon, pull myself together and prep for exams instead of wasting hours like this thinking about things out of  my control. 

I miss you, come back to me. 

<Or maybe not maybe I'm actually better off without you without me wanting to admit it. HAH >

(event) new hair

quick life update before it's back to drama-land/ mugger-land for me. that's pretty much what i've been doing over the holidays, watching loads of dramas and studying for the upcoming mid-year common tests >< not quite sure calling this an "event" is appropriate, but it sure is for me, shortest hair i've gone since sec 2/3? i never allow myself to trim more than 2 inches off each time, but the other day i got so hoplessly bored with studying so i decided to snip it off.

yes that's from my instagram. 

well i regretted chopping it off for the first 24 hours, but i'm starting to like having new found lightweight hair, and it's a challenge to see what i can do with it i suppose. no more buns and never ending ponytails, just a bouncy stub of freshly cut ends (which i am loving). 

hair is definitely more healthy and shiny... someone asked whether i cut my hair, straightened it and coloured it darker. \o/ but i only cut it shorter and it's gone back to its nice gloriously thick self. it's a little hot since everything gathers at the nape of my neck but oh well i remind myself hair will always grow back out anyway. (: 

and i can still pull it back up if i need to. 

found this super tall sunflower that my neighbour grew, so on the way home i asked the kind ol' sister to help me snap a shot with it. hehe. i look so happy there and i have an awkward arm! actually im holding on to the stalk of the flower but you cant see it sigh. 

but yeah that's my new hair. currently wishing i dared to go even shorter though but i'll do that maybe the next time? save till after As? then I could like preserve the length and do something wacky to it, who knows? playing with a few ideas but really, i think i might change my mind in the end. 

have a good week ahead everyone! monday's over= no more monday blues! and all the best to everyone else taking exams in the following week; probably be off social networking sites if my self control maintains (doubt it)

I AM SUMMER LOVING BECAUSE SUMMER MEANS NO RAIN <:

x
maddy

(thoughts) trdo

woohoo super tired after a nights worth of sitting on the edge of my seat and my voice nearly going from screaming but trdo was so worth it! It touched my heart in so many places when I thought it couldn't get any worse, but it did! The hard work and effort that just shone through it all, all the technique and epic stunts were 😍😍😍 

But today one of the most important lessons I've learnt is the power of dancing with Emotion. You know how dancers always say oh I want to make the audience feel this way, I want to do this I want to do this and I want to portray this type of feeling, but it takes a real dancer to speak to the audience and for a moment in time we forget about how difficult that move really is because it looks so effortless and so natural and we lose ourself in the piece. 

Trdo chapter 4 did this for me today, I was completely floored by the pieces people I know put up, maybe it's me being biased but watching them grow has been such a pleasure and an honour. (And in the process I often ask myself what in the world I am doing w my life but that's for another day) 

Dedications to people who inspired me tonight-seniors teachers friends- wonder if they will ever see this! Lol 

-- 

I'll start off with a dear senior of mine. Chanel, thank you for everything you've done for me thank you for your kind words of encouragement and for always being such a warm presence you did super well on stage today, I really really loved your piece! All them feels! It's amazing to see how you've transitioned from someone doing Dancefeste- hiphop choreo to somebody who is also able to take on contemp! You're amazing, really! 

Also big shoutout to Carissa who also has been so approachable when we don't really know each other super well! You're an amazing senior and you've inspired me immensely too! It's always v heartwarming to see seniors chase their dreams!

To Steffi, who is our big street mama it was a very uplifting piece that was presented today, loved the concept! And you once again showed me why people dance because I felt your hopes and your warmth through the piece!! 

To Zeng, my batchmate who has grown so immensely throughout the short time I've worked with her/ trained w her! You're extremely talented and it inspires me so so much. 

And finally to Rox who is the trdo champion, thank you for letting me into your head for a while- the time you spent on stage was magical and so powerful ok I had goosebumps and my heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to explode! Then it did when you jumped halfway through hahaha it was such an intense piece you wanted to do and you pulled it off! 

The item is definitely one of the few I've seen that has reached out to me so much. Thank you for baring yourself on stage, for showing us your vulnerabilities and for making me feel a little more human. It's been a joy watching you do your thing on stage, and your dream-chasing inspires me so much. Can still remember that afternoon you bounced up to me and was like eh eh let you hear my trdo finals song and I was like ö when I heard the song! Because it was a feel-y song and i thought it would be difficult to pull off! But you did!!!!! So damn proud of you congratulations, you deserve it! 

You go girl, don't stop dreaming and don't stop chasing that dream ❤️

-- 

Yay ok end i might edit this post with pictures in the future but for now, goodnight world! Maybe my dreams will be filled with lots of leaps and jumps and tumbles from too much overload today woahhhhhhh 

X

Maddy 

(thoughts) anything but here, #maddays

Hello! The school holidays have f i n a l l y arrived but they're pretty much dreaded because it's thirty days of being trapped in the sunny island and doing nothing else much but studying ): which is pretty depressing but oh well well spent thirty days of studying is actually going to help me to catch up on all the stuff I've been making excuses for, and hopefully if I use the time well I can prove to myself that I can do it if I set my heart on achieving so.

Tired of feeling like I'm only second best, that I am not doing what is expected of me etc so time to chin up and pull up my socks and go!!!!!!  

But definitely it's a lot harder that it seems to be, three days on and I've not completed my work plan per day, either not working hard enough/not efficient enough or being unrealistic w my goals sigh 😭 

Also I'm super thankful for the holidays, it's a time to rest relax and recharge and really think about what I wanna do in life, three months ago I could tell you what my long established life ambition was but now I'm not sure. There's just too much life has to offer if I want to fight for it (idealist in me speaking here), and I wouldn't want to end up referring decisions I make much later on in life! 

Hope everyone has a good break with your loved ones and be able to spend some quiet alone time just staring into space and not feeling obliged to think about anything in particular. It's quite a nice feeling especially if you've been caught up in the hustle and bustle of life the past few weeks(: 

Here is a magical shot of yen's shoes on madday#3 because all the elements of the universe were cooperating- everything is coincidental - lighting, placement angle and there is no filter(: except I cropped the top off the picture and straightened it ever-so-slightly 

Happy midweek and have a good week ahead 

X

maddy 

PS #maddays is my tag for the thirty days of the holidays so I can look back and see that hey, life isn't as mundane as I thought it would be!!! 

(thoughts) opsmile

(Short post which I believe will end up getting much longer than I expect it to be. )

It's been a while since I last blogged, mainly because there wasn't much to blog about or anything amazing happening that I haven't already mentioned. Well anyway today's post will kind of be an update on what I've been up to! - fundraiser/awareness drive for operation smile sg! 

Ever since my trip to "child's dream" in chiang mai (pic I took at hq is above) I've had a better insight on the situation at Thailand's borders- in particular how children's rights are being exploited everyday. It's not just about the child prostitutes, but also the child labourers and the children made to walk through fields to blow up land mines. These kids have a life and a future ahead of them; the irresponsibility and selfish desires of adults is just appaling. Apart from a better understanding of the situation I understood what it means to be truly serving others overseas. It's not like one two weeks spent in these areas will change anything, but it's only with months of effort that any concrete action can be done to change lives of others.

More often than not, I find that service trips overseas tend to benefit the service team more than the beneficiaries, while yes the effort and the time spent making the children happy is a valuable lesson to learn, I wonder how large the impact on their lives truly is. And I don't think this is measurable/ I need to go overseas and see for myself if teaching children English as a one-off week-long volunteer project will really help them. 

One of the most inspiring organisations to me is thus operation smile because I feel that the results are more tangible, in terms of the ability of the team to physically change a person's face through cleft lip surgery and in this way changing his/her life. It is a service that does have lasting impacts on the individual who receives the treatment. And I never thought twice about supporting this good cause because I've always felt that it is worth it. 

This is basically why I am helping op smile to raise awareness and fundraiser in school. 

-- 

Today during booth duty (we are having the awareness drive for a week) someone came up to me and said that he wouldn't want to donate to our cause, cause he doesn't support what op smile does in the less developed countries. Upon my request to explain further, he cited the example of how kids in these countries ultimately end up being exploited as child prostitutes etc, because their facial deformities are now "fixed". This made me stop and think, because I had not considered the situation before. That perhaps what we see as doing good is in actual fact, causing harm to others... 

I mean, it's hard to say which is worse to be, someone suffering from a cleft lip, or a child prostitute, and frankly, I too  don't know for certain, with my limited knowledge and understanding which I would rather be. 

And the harm done in this situation by fixing the cleft lip, is something no one anticipates, no one wishes a child would need to go through. 

But what came out of this short exchange with the schoolmate of mine was this a more enlightened me, understanding why I really was drawn to this cause in the first place. On hindsight I think even with it's limitations, the intent of the organisation is to Help. No one anticipates or wishes that the children helped would be made us of and exploited, and no one knows the true fate of a person. 

The situation of child exploitation is largely out of our control, but as long as we do what we can to make a difference, then the organisation would have achieved some of it's aims.  

And I believe and know that, as long as we who have the ability to, can help and make a child smile, I think that is enough for me. 

X 

Maddy

(thoughts) friendships

so i haven't really been posting much lately because i realised when i'm happy there isn't really a need to post. or at least i forget to post. but stuck at home this weekend trying to get my report done and i figured i need an excuse to get my eyes of adobe reader and microsoft word and instead get to blogger, so here i am!!

these few weeks have made me realise some important things that never really occurred to me and that i used to take for granted-- the importance of true friendships.

coming to jc i've always felt super blessed that i found myself good friends really quickly and we could hang out and have lots of fun all the time, and i used to promise myself that i could and definitely would make every effort possible to try to keep in contact and stay close to them. i could be seeing them along the corridors, weekly or maybe even daily, but i'd always felt that time out of school just talking about life and REALLY catching up with each other is the most precious. 

but recently, with a particular friendship of mine, things came to a point when i was trying to initiate something but ultimately never worked out. and it was then and there that the very idealistic me realises that: hey even though i love you so much (as a friend), it isn't mutual. and it kind of sucks to realise that it isn't mutual because you assured me it was and i placed full faith in you. and it hurts when you not only reject us but also prioritise others things+ friends over us. 

so i realise everything i've been trying to achieve is all but a false dream. ultimately in reality, friendships that are supposed to last forever, only can last forever in that moment. and although you might know EVERYTHING about that person, ultimately one day you're gonna drift so far that you two will be strangers with the uncomfortable knowledge about the other person's life. 

thought of this quote that i saw somewhere online (i think it was instagram), which comforted me. 

maybe real friendships aren't those that burn so brightly like a fire and fill you up with hope and love for life and explosive happiness, but maybe more like small flickering flames of light and hope in your darkest moments in life. true friends will be there without you having to ask them to be there, and they would go the extra mile for you without you expecting them to. and with this, i'm still learning to be a better friend to others(:

i have learnt to count the blessings of friends i have in my life. those who say yes when i ask them to be there for me, and those who have been standing by me these years coming. 

to the ones dearest to me: thank you for your friendships, you know who you are. incredibly grateful for y'all. 

(and special shoutout to RKT: even though we haven't properly hung out in agesssssss because everyone is just so exhausted and busy, i'm glad we can still talk! thank you for agreeing to watch me on friday amidst exams, overseas trip and work! i'll be dancing for you.)

x maddy

(event) dancefest 2014

Words cannot express how much fun I had at dancefest 2014, really had lots of fun doing backstage errands and cheering dancers on!! 

can't believe it's the last big ihc we probably are gonna have as a batch in school together. And the atmosphere is crazy high for a school dance event cos the theatre was literally packed, with people standing at the doorways just to get a glimpse of the action going on which was just.... Whew too hot hahah. 

Videoed all the J2 performances only cos low memory, and I tried to use my phone but it died towards the end x.x even though my house didn't win, I always feel that everyone on stage is a winner! It takes some big guts to be performing to a large audience that expects so much!!

My personal highlight was the danceoffs- Wess x Stang, Tessa x Roshiokkz 

Pic of the girls in action!

Sorry about the quality!! Had to do major cropping and zooming in! 

This bit reminded me of Miley and Madonna at MTV unplugged LOL. 

Next up are the pictures we took after the show!

RSD family! '13 and '14

(As seen on insta haha)

Give me some- w the street jazz sisterhood lol! 

I look so tired here lol but megawatt smile from the one who always covers his face ._. So must post! Good job bro on stage you killed it! 

Shing came back to visit and support her sis too!!  Awww I miss those days when we were dancing together last year for dancefest!! The fun, late nights spent practicing and the h2hs! Will never forget them! Probably one of my Jc highlights! 

With sexylexy who also didn't dance! Hehe we wanted to sit together but it got took crowded so cannot ): but we missed each other cos we were surrounded by a quiet audience heh.  hahahaha paiseh the people beside me probably had ringing ears after the entire show ._. 

And with my pancakes heheh good job on stage Tess and Megzz. Felt so proud! I was close to screaming "THATS MY GIRL" but I controlled. (': 

(Hmmm I should change my laces back to white so we can matchy matchy haha)

And finally, to a crazy dancefest team thank you for trusting me and leaving your precious faces in my hands... Did a smoky purple-to-black eye look-- 4 faces in 20+ minutes omgggg. And a white head for an old (haha) friend! Need to work on being more efficient and still make things look the way I want to better, in the future... Y'all did crazy well on stage and definitely entertained us all 😂 

Unfortunately couldn't get a pic of the look but here is a group photo. So sweet of them.

Big thank you for inviting me to help! It was an honour!! 

And in case you wanna watch the performances...

Tinyurl.com/givemesomemt

Tinyurl.com/iloveitbb

Tinyurl.com/theyellowtribe

Tinyurl.com/mrwolves

Tinyurl.com/hahamazing 

X 

(thoughts) week nine

The results for the A levels were released yesterday, and there's this little voice telling me that next year it will be my turn. I hope I will not let myself down this year, and live with no regrets, I mean, come on, who doesn't want to live without regrets?

Having said that I think it's so easy to just get sucked into the momentum of things and struggle to keep afloat, forgetting to fight for what we really want. Even if we fight in vain, we don't get what we want, at least we would have fought the good fight and hopefully done enough to make ourselves proud of our efforts. Our entire life is a fight, is it not?

x

maddy

--

I miss talking to you without any inhibitions, I miss feeling completely comfortable around you because now everytime I open my mouth I'm so afraid you'll judge me for being me, because you know too much ):

(experiment) natural look

Estée Lauder double wear foundation in sand (face base)

Dolly wink eyeliner in deep black (upper lash line) 

Holika holika jewel eyeliner in pink (lower waterline) 

MAC shroom eyeshadow (brow bone)

Canmake mascara (eyelashes)

Face shop brow pencil (brows) 

Mac "angel" lipstick (lips)

Estée Lauder plum gloss (lips) 

Benefit bella bamba (cheeks)

Mac pressed foundation in a darker tone-my last minute cheat for bronzer (cheeks)

[diy] foundation pump

Hello! Back again with a somewhat-review! 

Today's it's on a foundation pump I got for my Estée Lauder Double Wear Foundation! It's the best liquid foundation  I've tried, because 

1. Doesn't break me out

2. Lightweight natural finish 

3. Good coverage (yes it applies liquid dries powdery and covers really well. 2. and 3. don't contradict, you have to try this out to see the wonders for yourself) 

4. Doesn't transfer onto clothes nor "melt" off the face= dance costume friendly, and clothes friendly(: 

...and the list goes on... 

Unfortunately what I did not like about this product was that the bottle doesn't come with a pump. ): means you either always dispense too much or too little and it's not the most hygienic dispensing method. 

To solve the problem, I read up online on makeupalley and a few other blogs to see what beauty gurus out there did, and I decided to try for myself! 

Got myself the MAC foundation pump from a MAC counter just to be extra safe! (Cost me SGD 9 from Isetan.) it's just a black pump with a tube that sticks into the bottle to suck up the foundation (: 

We're ready to begin! 

My foundation, the pump, cotton pad, scissors and some rubbing alcohol. 

Because the tube was too long (the Estée Lauder bottles are shorter than the Mac ones), I cut 1cm off my tube diagonally! 

Wiped it with rubbing alcohol because I don't think the scissors were super clean heh. 

And the moment of truth! 

It fit perfectly! Love my "improved" foundation! Especially the very sleek MAC foundation pump which has a lock function (no worries about accidentally pumping and wasting foundation) and a teeny cap! 

I realised later MAC and Estée Lauder share the same parent company so maybe that's why the head fit on Estée Lauder bottle!

Very very good idea, although the pump head is a little pricey! And it's a bit strange-looking. Gold would have been a little more attractive for the matte bottle. 

Other than that it achieves it's function and I am super pleased for newfound convenience! 

Thank you all the beauty gurus out there for teaching me hehe.  Hope y'all had a great weekend! Honestly not looking forward to tutorial-heavy Monday :P but hey, it's a new week again!

More DIYs coming your way! Watch this space!(: 

X

(event) take five!

So a week ago we had take five at sentosa! Hope everyone who went had loads of fun that day(: it was a pretty tiring day overall for me, cos we were scheduled to perform at 11, which essentially means from 7am onwards we had to prepare and be on standby backstage. Of course me being me I started makeup at about 8am! Too afraid I wouldn't get it done in time + may need to help others so it was probably the best plan. Plus I didn't sign up for any games so we ended up doing makeup backstage in the hot sun! 

First time ever not even using a proper mirror but thankful that everything turned out alright! 

I decided to just repeat what I did before (although not exactly the same)... 

Here's a close up of the eyes! 

Finally used my crystals I got from Taobao last year (a few cents for sooooo many of them 😱) putting them to good use at last! 

Used my trusty KATE eyeshadow base, Canmake Mascara, Cat-Eye lashes I got from the drugstore in Japan (no idea about the exact name), dolly wink liquid eyeliner, holika holika jewel stick, étude house line nuance duo (in no. 1), and HnM turquoise eyeshadow stick (this was my friends and I have no clue what the exact name is) 

The purple and pink eyeshadow is courtesy of another friend of mine(: her eyeshadow palette is amazing for brights! I think it's the brand "VOL" it's a little chalky but then if you put it with an eyeshadow base the colours apply like a dream ❤️ 

Brows were done by rocio (thank you heheheh) because I had no proper

Mirror so I got scared. 

Lips was revlon's lip butter in peach parfait and cheeks were Majorca Majolica's puff de cheek in or302. 

-- photo spam ahead -- 

After the performance we took loads of pictures with people around(: by then everyone was leaving because we were dismissed!! And take five was on valentines day so obviously people were rushing off! 😅 

Here's the few pictures i got with the lovely people that day!

Longtime oldest friend award probably goes to leam0208 ❤️ Thank you for being there for me let's grow old together!!(: 

Tessa the insanely talented crazy sexy dancer 😍 thank you for all the fun times we've had heehe love u! 

Eunice! Ex classmate now batchmate 

Super talented beautiful OGmate rachel

It's always fun to watch her sing (she has an amazing voice!!) 

Megan and Lexxxxx! (I'm running out of caption ideas) this photo speaks for itself 😛 

With the meowmeow Ty who probably had one of the best valentines days of his life with his girl!! Last longggggg you two ☺️ 

( Matchmaking success!! Ok not really but... Still.) 

Strange picture with the Ts (Ty and thanh) after everyone else had left hahah. 

I got hijacked by @cutiez_changz 😒 but thanks for being a wonderful batchmate the past year! 

(Even though you're scarred please continue reading haha it's a little bit more

to go) 

-- 

Thank you batch! Once again for everything, for the fun stress blood

tears and sweat over the item, for the 12-midnight-costume-emergency-phonecalling (6 hours before we met for the event), to the heartfelt batch talks we had. It was a lot of frustration and sadness but I guess all this just goes to show how I actually do care about the batch... There's just a fine line between love and hate. I guess for me to be angry at someone I must be loving that person a whole lot in the first place right? For me to even spend energy on my emotions?  Hmm. 

I don't think I would ever be able

to take a synchronised jumpshot with another group of people other than y'all! 

Xx

(thoughts) take five

WOW February is here!! And I haven't been keeping up with my posts much sigh it's been really busy! 

ANYWAY TOMORROW IS TAKE 5 !!! 

it's a day for our school to take five literally and play at sentosa (beach). Super excitingggg. Because we all get to play games, or sit in the shade and chill listening to the on going concert. Or maybe do what we love and perform(: hehe. There's something going on for nearly everyone tomorrow!

And of course it is also valentines day❤️ Happy valentine's to all you lovebirds! I'll be spending mine with my friendS. Ooh and here are pretty roses megan received today- we took this while waiting in between our megalong rehearsal today!!!

 

Tomorrow is going to be so draining yet I really can't wait! Not sure what's gonna happen for hair+ makeup tomorrow heh. 

Only know I'm going to attempt a new hairstyle on my guinea pig😅 thank goodness for letting me try on her hehehehhe. 

Fingers crossed that the stuff I do tomorrow will be as pretty as/ better than the one I 'whacked' during open house hehe. Cant decide till tomorrow I guess!! Torn between brights and a toned down valentine day appropriate look... I'm terrible at such decisions. 

Have a love-ly day ahead this valentine's day☺️

(thoughts) super short post to commemorate new header (cr: spaceinvader)

hello!

first of all,
happy lunar new year to everyone celebrating it~ it's truly a period for us to all fatten up and indulge in homemade goodies hehe. hope everyone's had a good holidays! will update more on my new years! tried a few new products, new to me anyway. can't wait to share!

second,
I HAVE A NEW HEADER. yes i finally have a new header. i know winter is kind of ending (my world follows the northern hemisphere season changes heh x.x) but i really wanted a new blog header. snowflakes are so pretty! i love how every snowflake is different from others, like an individual's thumbprint that's unique to oneself.

because i am terrible at html/ blog layout/ computer stuff, apart from torrenting my favourite shows and downloading subtitles, all credits of this blog template goes to a dear friend/ bro of mine, spaceinvader ;thank you thank you thank you for the wonderful layout(: it's what i had in mind, and so much more (': couldn't have done it without you... because i can only conceptualise.

but hopefully i'll work on that somemore and one day i'll be proficient enough to settle my own blog layout.

for now everybody enjoy the new layout!

xx M

P.S. for now bear with weird colours like orange post headers if you see them, and pretend they're blue. changes made to blog template BUT blogger is not registering the commands ): so they are appearing orange on my screen. i hope they are blue on yours!

(thoughts) rollercoaster ride

Today I came to the realisation that I'm in school studying for no one but myself. No matter how crappy I believe my life to be, it's actually a lot better that it could have been.

The academic journey is such a long tough one. And I'm in my "final" year. At least for this year, I just want to live past this year and thrive. But it's so hard if you're alone! So yes, all those J1s out there reading this, make friends with your classmates. They're gonna be the bestest friends you could have in JC, they're the only ones who are gonna see you day in day out, on good hair days, on bad hair days, on zombie days, on happy days, on days when you feel like the world is going to crash, and they're the ones who are going to understand jokes your tutors share with your class, amongst other inside secret jokes only you guys know.

And today was one of those days that I felt that I wasn't being completely honest with myself, with my thoughts and I haven't actually come to a heart-head compromise YET. But I do think I will need to get over myself and figure what I really want to do. Because only I can live for myself. And friends will definitely come and go (dreading the day it happens). So I need to stop relying on others, be that bit more independent and self-reliant, that I always thought I was but actually am not.

Apart from the slightly heart-shattering news today, I think I was incredibly blessed to meet people all along the way back to school after lunch. I thought my brain would be going into overdrive once I got on the MRT platform, but I met a church friend and it was rly nice seeing that familiar face around (':

Then as I was going around running my errands I kept bumping into different people that kept doing nice things for me, listening to me and just empathising. So so grateful... You never know when you can literally brighten someone else's day with just a little bit of attention and interaction.

Thank you guys<3
--

That being said, today also marks the one-year-anniversary of freaking-out-before-auditions. I couldn't sleep last night this time, because I was so nervous I wouldn't be able to do well for my auditions. So thank you for letting me join the family, batch '13(: All the best tomorrow, auditionees, may tomorrow be your day(:

It really takes that much fate for people to come together in the same time and same place in this same universe. So thank you God once again for all that's happened to me so far, the good the bad the ugly.

--

"Chin up sweetie, tomorrow's a new day."

Even though this is what I said to a close friend of mine today, I think I need it just as much ):
And so do you! We all need a little encouragement now and then, because we need to know we're worth it (:


Hope you're having a better week than I am!

x

(thoughts) tired.

Hello! School's just began again, and recently I've just been feeling so tired out by the immense amount of work that has suddenly flooded my table. 

It's as if I'm but only in a small boat floating in the middle of the vast blur ocean, completely uncertain of the path I'm going to take in the future. Everyday I'm just fighting the water that's coming in and sinking my boat further. Doesn't help university application talks today were pretty overwhelming. 

One good thing that did come out of it all though, was open house with the batch! It was a rly fun day I'm so glad we are a batch, couldn't have asked for a more caring crazy cheerful candid colorful batch. Love you guys hehe. (':

Meet my batch! With our seniors who came back to support us! 

Also on a whim, decided to do an eye makeup look inspired by... Wait for it! 

... The eye shadow palette itself haha. 

Ok I cheat I just used the colours I liked+ what I thought might look nice together! this is my masterpiece heh. 

Will try to get around to do a proper tutorial of the look, hopefully soonnnn. I love the candy colours they look so spring and happy! 

Time to finish my essay outline before crashing for the day! 

X

(thoughts) inspired

Now that I think about it, I'm wondering if this space would be better put to use if I just rambled on about my thoughts and emotions as I get through this year. From the looks of it, it isn't going to be an easy year, I'm wondering if friends will come and go (as they have the year before), and I'm just curious to see what 2014 brings. I hope it brings lots of happiness and fulfillment, after all the hard work (A levels) is over (:

It's not that I'll be stopping what I've barely started on, I'll still be continuing, but I guess I'll share more about other things that come to mind?/ or when I feel like I need to share with the world something.

--

Today, I was inspired.

I am inspired because I saw for myself how much passion for something has driven people to achieve things they may not have dreamed of achieving.

I feel so incredibly blessed to have been able watch the people around me improve and grow, and keep on pushing, despite their struggles and their pain. Today felt like a break-through day, like the fruits of their hard work have culminated in good results. But sometimes we don't neccessarily need to do well, all we need to do is to have tried and improved in whatever we were doing.

Had a super long day in school, with PE. and then after that I had dance. But today's dance session showed me that we can do things if we just try, if we just push and hangon to that faint sense of hope, and to the very fact that we're not alone in our struggles. It's through struggles that we become more resilient, we mature.

For the past one year, I've been priveleged to watch a batchmate of mine improve. I first saw him at the side during auditions, and to myself I thought he wouldn't get through. But he did, and I was shocked. He was still extremely awkward when he danced and tried to catch steps, but he really tried over the year. He took amazing efforts, taking up extra dance activities so that he could improve. From someone I thought had "two-left-feet", his progress really inspired me. For our upcoming performance, he's going to do pairwork with a female batchmate of mine, which is something I would never have imagined when I first met him. It's like this small boy I knew matured over the span of one short year!

Seeing him improve, has spurred me on to do as best as I can for whatever I do, and in particular, it gives me hope that really, we will not stop improving as long as we try. (I know I sound cliche, but it's trueeeeee.)

My classmates also did extremely well for their academic competition, and I'm so happy for them today, because Ive seen how hard they worked, and just immense love for the subject they studied. It shows me that sometimes hard work definitely pays off, when its fueled by passion.

And that's about it for today. Immensely thankful for the good session we had today as a batch. I treasure days like these because we just get to spend so much time together. The way we bonded together was very very cool, and I'm so glad for every single one of them.

I hope the next batch coming in will find a family as we did.

x
maddy