(thoughts) trdo

woohoo super tired after a nights worth of sitting on the edge of my seat and my voice nearly going from screaming but trdo was so worth it! It touched my heart in so many places when I thought it couldn't get any worse, but it did! The hard work and effort that just shone through it all, all the technique and epic stunts were 😍😍😍 

But today one of the most important lessons I've learnt is the power of dancing with Emotion. You know how dancers always say oh I want to make the audience feel this way, I want to do this I want to do this and I want to portray this type of feeling, but it takes a real dancer to speak to the audience and for a moment in time we forget about how difficult that move really is because it looks so effortless and so natural and we lose ourself in the piece. 

Trdo chapter 4 did this for me today, I was completely floored by the pieces people I know put up, maybe it's me being biased but watching them grow has been such a pleasure and an honour. (And in the process I often ask myself what in the world I am doing w my life but that's for another day) 

Dedications to people who inspired me tonight-seniors teachers friends- wonder if they will ever see this! Lol 

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I'll start off with a dear senior of mine. Chanel, thank you for everything you've done for me thank you for your kind words of encouragement and for always being such a warm presence you did super well on stage today, I really really loved your piece! All them feels! It's amazing to see how you've transitioned from someone doing Dancefeste- hiphop choreo to somebody who is also able to take on contemp! You're amazing, really! 

Also big shoutout to Carissa who also has been so approachable when we don't really know each other super well! You're an amazing senior and you've inspired me immensely too! It's always v heartwarming to see seniors chase their dreams!

To Steffi, who is our big street mama it was a very uplifting piece that was presented today, loved the concept! And you once again showed me why people dance because I felt your hopes and your warmth through the piece!! 

To Zeng, my batchmate who has grown so immensely throughout the short time I've worked with her/ trained w her! You're extremely talented and it inspires me so so much. 

And finally to Rox who is the trdo champion, thank you for letting me into your head for a while- the time you spent on stage was magical and so powerful ok I had goosebumps and my heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to explode! Then it did when you jumped halfway through hahaha it was such an intense piece you wanted to do and you pulled it off! 

The item is definitely one of the few I've seen that has reached out to me so much. Thank you for baring yourself on stage, for showing us your vulnerabilities and for making me feel a little more human. It's been a joy watching you do your thing on stage, and your dream-chasing inspires me so much. Can still remember that afternoon you bounced up to me and was like eh eh let you hear my trdo finals song and I was like ö when I heard the song! Because it was a feel-y song and i thought it would be difficult to pull off! But you did!!!!! So damn proud of you congratulations, you deserve it! 

You go girl, don't stop dreaming and don't stop chasing that dream ❤️

-- 

Yay ok end i might edit this post with pictures in the future but for now, goodnight world! Maybe my dreams will be filled with lots of leaps and jumps and tumbles from too much overload today woahhhhhhh 

X

Maddy 

(thoughts) anything but here, #maddays

Hello! The school holidays have f i n a l l y arrived but they're pretty much dreaded because it's thirty days of being trapped in the sunny island and doing nothing else much but studying ): which is pretty depressing but oh well well spent thirty days of studying is actually going to help me to catch up on all the stuff I've been making excuses for, and hopefully if I use the time well I can prove to myself that I can do it if I set my heart on achieving so.

Tired of feeling like I'm only second best, that I am not doing what is expected of me etc so time to chin up and pull up my socks and go!!!!!!  

But definitely it's a lot harder that it seems to be, three days on and I've not completed my work plan per day, either not working hard enough/not efficient enough or being unrealistic w my goals sigh 😭 

Also I'm super thankful for the holidays, it's a time to rest relax and recharge and really think about what I wanna do in life, three months ago I could tell you what my long established life ambition was but now I'm not sure. There's just too much life has to offer if I want to fight for it (idealist in me speaking here), and I wouldn't want to end up referring decisions I make much later on in life! 

Hope everyone has a good break with your loved ones and be able to spend some quiet alone time just staring into space and not feeling obliged to think about anything in particular. It's quite a nice feeling especially if you've been caught up in the hustle and bustle of life the past few weeks(: 

Here is a magical shot of yen's shoes on madday#3 because all the elements of the universe were cooperating- everything is coincidental - lighting, placement angle and there is no filter(: except I cropped the top off the picture and straightened it ever-so-slightly 

Happy midweek and have a good week ahead 

X

maddy 

PS #maddays is my tag for the thirty days of the holidays so I can look back and see that hey, life isn't as mundane as I thought it would be!!! 

(thoughts) opsmile

(Short post which I believe will end up getting much longer than I expect it to be. )

It's been a while since I last blogged, mainly because there wasn't much to blog about or anything amazing happening that I haven't already mentioned. Well anyway today's post will kind of be an update on what I've been up to! - fundraiser/awareness drive for operation smile sg! 

Ever since my trip to "child's dream" in chiang mai (pic I took at hq is above) I've had a better insight on the situation at Thailand's borders- in particular how children's rights are being exploited everyday. It's not just about the child prostitutes, but also the child labourers and the children made to walk through fields to blow up land mines. These kids have a life and a future ahead of them; the irresponsibility and selfish desires of adults is just appaling. Apart from a better understanding of the situation I understood what it means to be truly serving others overseas. It's not like one two weeks spent in these areas will change anything, but it's only with months of effort that any concrete action can be done to change lives of others.

More often than not, I find that service trips overseas tend to benefit the service team more than the beneficiaries, while yes the effort and the time spent making the children happy is a valuable lesson to learn, I wonder how large the impact on their lives truly is. And I don't think this is measurable/ I need to go overseas and see for myself if teaching children English as a one-off week-long volunteer project will really help them. 

One of the most inspiring organisations to me is thus operation smile because I feel that the results are more tangible, in terms of the ability of the team to physically change a person's face through cleft lip surgery and in this way changing his/her life. It is a service that does have lasting impacts on the individual who receives the treatment. And I never thought twice about supporting this good cause because I've always felt that it is worth it. 

This is basically why I am helping op smile to raise awareness and fundraiser in school. 

-- 

Today during booth duty (we are having the awareness drive for a week) someone came up to me and said that he wouldn't want to donate to our cause, cause he doesn't support what op smile does in the less developed countries. Upon my request to explain further, he cited the example of how kids in these countries ultimately end up being exploited as child prostitutes etc, because their facial deformities are now "fixed". This made me stop and think, because I had not considered the situation before. That perhaps what we see as doing good is in actual fact, causing harm to others... 

I mean, it's hard to say which is worse to be, someone suffering from a cleft lip, or a child prostitute, and frankly, I too  don't know for certain, with my limited knowledge and understanding which I would rather be. 

And the harm done in this situation by fixing the cleft lip, is something no one anticipates, no one wishes a child would need to go through. 

But what came out of this short exchange with the schoolmate of mine was this a more enlightened me, understanding why I really was drawn to this cause in the first place. On hindsight I think even with it's limitations, the intent of the organisation is to Help. No one anticipates or wishes that the children helped would be made us of and exploited, and no one knows the true fate of a person. 

The situation of child exploitation is largely out of our control, but as long as we do what we can to make a difference, then the organisation would have achieved some of it's aims.  

And I believe and know that, as long as we who have the ability to, can help and make a child smile, I think that is enough for me. 

X 

Maddy

(thoughts) friendships

so i haven't really been posting much lately because i realised when i'm happy there isn't really a need to post. or at least i forget to post. but stuck at home this weekend trying to get my report done and i figured i need an excuse to get my eyes of adobe reader and microsoft word and instead get to blogger, so here i am!!

these few weeks have made me realise some important things that never really occurred to me and that i used to take for granted-- the importance of true friendships.

coming to jc i've always felt super blessed that i found myself good friends really quickly and we could hang out and have lots of fun all the time, and i used to promise myself that i could and definitely would make every effort possible to try to keep in contact and stay close to them. i could be seeing them along the corridors, weekly or maybe even daily, but i'd always felt that time out of school just talking about life and REALLY catching up with each other is the most precious. 

but recently, with a particular friendship of mine, things came to a point when i was trying to initiate something but ultimately never worked out. and it was then and there that the very idealistic me realises that: hey even though i love you so much (as a friend), it isn't mutual. and it kind of sucks to realise that it isn't mutual because you assured me it was and i placed full faith in you. and it hurts when you not only reject us but also prioritise others things+ friends over us. 

so i realise everything i've been trying to achieve is all but a false dream. ultimately in reality, friendships that are supposed to last forever, only can last forever in that moment. and although you might know EVERYTHING about that person, ultimately one day you're gonna drift so far that you two will be strangers with the uncomfortable knowledge about the other person's life. 

thought of this quote that i saw somewhere online (i think it was instagram), which comforted me. 

maybe real friendships aren't those that burn so brightly like a fire and fill you up with hope and love for life and explosive happiness, but maybe more like small flickering flames of light and hope in your darkest moments in life. true friends will be there without you having to ask them to be there, and they would go the extra mile for you without you expecting them to. and with this, i'm still learning to be a better friend to others(:

i have learnt to count the blessings of friends i have in my life. those who say yes when i ask them to be there for me, and those who have been standing by me these years coming. 

to the ones dearest to me: thank you for your friendships, you know who you are. incredibly grateful for y'all. 

(and special shoutout to RKT: even though we haven't properly hung out in agesssssss because everyone is just so exhausted and busy, i'm glad we can still talk! thank you for agreeing to watch me on friday amidst exams, overseas trip and work! i'll be dancing for you.)

x maddy

(event) dancefest 2014

Words cannot express how much fun I had at dancefest 2014, really had lots of fun doing backstage errands and cheering dancers on!! 

can't believe it's the last big ihc we probably are gonna have as a batch in school together. And the atmosphere is crazy high for a school dance event cos the theatre was literally packed, with people standing at the doorways just to get a glimpse of the action going on which was just.... Whew too hot hahah. 

Videoed all the J2 performances only cos low memory, and I tried to use my phone but it died towards the end x.x even though my house didn't win, I always feel that everyone on stage is a winner! It takes some big guts to be performing to a large audience that expects so much!!

My personal highlight was the danceoffs- Wess x Stang, Tessa x Roshiokkz 

Pic of the girls in action!

Sorry about the quality!! Had to do major cropping and zooming in! 

This bit reminded me of Miley and Madonna at MTV unplugged LOL. 

Next up are the pictures we took after the show!

RSD family! '13 and '14

(As seen on insta haha)

Give me some- w the street jazz sisterhood lol! 

I look so tired here lol but megawatt smile from the one who always covers his face ._. So must post! Good job bro on stage you killed it! 

Shing came back to visit and support her sis too!!  Awww I miss those days when we were dancing together last year for dancefest!! The fun, late nights spent practicing and the h2hs! Will never forget them! Probably one of my Jc highlights! 

With sexylexy who also didn't dance! Hehe we wanted to sit together but it got took crowded so cannot ): but we missed each other cos we were surrounded by a quiet audience heh.  hahahaha paiseh the people beside me probably had ringing ears after the entire show ._. 

And with my pancakes heheh good job on stage Tess and Megzz. Felt so proud! I was close to screaming "THATS MY GIRL" but I controlled. (': 

(Hmmm I should change my laces back to white so we can matchy matchy haha)

And finally, to a crazy dancefest team thank you for trusting me and leaving your precious faces in my hands... Did a smoky purple-to-black eye look-- 4 faces in 20+ minutes omgggg. And a white head for an old (haha) friend! Need to work on being more efficient and still make things look the way I want to better, in the future... Y'all did crazy well on stage and definitely entertained us all 😂 

Unfortunately couldn't get a pic of the look but here is a group photo. So sweet of them.

Big thank you for inviting me to help! It was an honour!! 

And in case you wanna watch the performances...

Tinyurl.com/givemesomemt

Tinyurl.com/iloveitbb

Tinyurl.com/theyellowtribe

Tinyurl.com/mrwolves

Tinyurl.com/hahamazing 

X 

(thoughts) week nine

The results for the A levels were released yesterday, and there's this little voice telling me that next year it will be my turn. I hope I will not let myself down this year, and live with no regrets, I mean, come on, who doesn't want to live without regrets?

Having said that I think it's so easy to just get sucked into the momentum of things and struggle to keep afloat, forgetting to fight for what we really want. Even if we fight in vain, we don't get what we want, at least we would have fought the good fight and hopefully done enough to make ourselves proud of our efforts. Our entire life is a fight, is it not?

x

maddy

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I miss talking to you without any inhibitions, I miss feeling completely comfortable around you because now everytime I open my mouth I'm so afraid you'll judge me for being me, because you know too much ):

(experiment) natural look

Estée Lauder double wear foundation in sand (face base)

Dolly wink eyeliner in deep black (upper lash line) 

Holika holika jewel eyeliner in pink (lower waterline) 

MAC shroom eyeshadow (brow bone)

Canmake mascara (eyelashes)

Face shop brow pencil (brows) 

Mac "angel" lipstick (lips)

Estée Lauder plum gloss (lips) 

Benefit bella bamba (cheeks)

Mac pressed foundation in a darker tone-my last minute cheat for bronzer (cheeks)