(thoughts) for the sun loved the moon so much he died every night to let her breathe

"If you love it let it go, if it loves you it will come back." 

Beyond that "it" sounding like a pet or something I think it applies to people too.

Eventually people who are worth it will make their way back and whoever isn't, it just isn't meant to be.

Lessons re-learnt in a conversation over Whatsapp with cool dude who is overseas, I wish he'd come back really. Too many people are overseas/ flying off for my liking. Or does this mean I should just go too? I have no clue.

It's just that I haven't learnt to let go of things I love yet I think, it hurts too much to let go cos I'm selfish and I want to keep them for me. Maybe they're not meant to be mine maybe they are beautiful free, maybe it's enough to have given until it hurts, and it's time to stop and be on the receiving end if it ever happens (super doubt it). 

Also I do hope that time and place- circumstance will be my best friend. It isn't yet but I hope it will be and I hope I get over shit soon, pull myself together and prep for exams instead of wasting hours like this thinking about things out of  my control. 

I miss you, come back to me. 

<Or maybe not maybe I'm actually better off without you without me wanting to admit it. HAH >

(event) new hair

quick life update before it's back to drama-land/ mugger-land for me. that's pretty much what i've been doing over the holidays, watching loads of dramas and studying for the upcoming mid-year common tests >< not quite sure calling this an "event" is appropriate, but it sure is for me, shortest hair i've gone since sec 2/3? i never allow myself to trim more than 2 inches off each time, but the other day i got so hoplessly bored with studying so i decided to snip it off.

yes that's from my instagram. 

well i regretted chopping it off for the first 24 hours, but i'm starting to like having new found lightweight hair, and it's a challenge to see what i can do with it i suppose. no more buns and never ending ponytails, just a bouncy stub of freshly cut ends (which i am loving). 

hair is definitely more healthy and shiny... someone asked whether i cut my hair, straightened it and coloured it darker. \o/ but i only cut it shorter and it's gone back to its nice gloriously thick self. it's a little hot since everything gathers at the nape of my neck but oh well i remind myself hair will always grow back out anyway. (: 

and i can still pull it back up if i need to. 

found this super tall sunflower that my neighbour grew, so on the way home i asked the kind ol' sister to help me snap a shot with it. hehe. i look so happy there and i have an awkward arm! actually im holding on to the stalk of the flower but you cant see it sigh. 

but yeah that's my new hair. currently wishing i dared to go even shorter though but i'll do that maybe the next time? save till after As? then I could like preserve the length and do something wacky to it, who knows? playing with a few ideas but really, i think i might change my mind in the end. 

have a good week ahead everyone! monday's over= no more monday blues! and all the best to everyone else taking exams in the following week; probably be off social networking sites if my self control maintains (doubt it)

I AM SUMMER LOVING BECAUSE SUMMER MEANS NO RAIN <:

x
maddy

(thoughts) trdo

woohoo super tired after a nights worth of sitting on the edge of my seat and my voice nearly going from screaming but trdo was so worth it! It touched my heart in so many places when I thought it couldn't get any worse, but it did! The hard work and effort that just shone through it all, all the technique and epic stunts were 😍😍😍 

But today one of the most important lessons I've learnt is the power of dancing with Emotion. You know how dancers always say oh I want to make the audience feel this way, I want to do this I want to do this and I want to portray this type of feeling, but it takes a real dancer to speak to the audience and for a moment in time we forget about how difficult that move really is because it looks so effortless and so natural and we lose ourself in the piece. 

Trdo chapter 4 did this for me today, I was completely floored by the pieces people I know put up, maybe it's me being biased but watching them grow has been such a pleasure and an honour. (And in the process I often ask myself what in the world I am doing w my life but that's for another day) 

Dedications to people who inspired me tonight-seniors teachers friends- wonder if they will ever see this! Lol 

-- 

I'll start off with a dear senior of mine. Chanel, thank you for everything you've done for me thank you for your kind words of encouragement and for always being such a warm presence you did super well on stage today, I really really loved your piece! All them feels! It's amazing to see how you've transitioned from someone doing Dancefeste- hiphop choreo to somebody who is also able to take on contemp! You're amazing, really! 

Also big shoutout to Carissa who also has been so approachable when we don't really know each other super well! You're an amazing senior and you've inspired me immensely too! It's always v heartwarming to see seniors chase their dreams!

To Steffi, who is our big street mama it was a very uplifting piece that was presented today, loved the concept! And you once again showed me why people dance because I felt your hopes and your warmth through the piece!! 

To Zeng, my batchmate who has grown so immensely throughout the short time I've worked with her/ trained w her! You're extremely talented and it inspires me so so much. 

And finally to Rox who is the trdo champion, thank you for letting me into your head for a while- the time you spent on stage was magical and so powerful ok I had goosebumps and my heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to explode! Then it did when you jumped halfway through hahaha it was such an intense piece you wanted to do and you pulled it off! 

The item is definitely one of the few I've seen that has reached out to me so much. Thank you for baring yourself on stage, for showing us your vulnerabilities and for making me feel a little more human. It's been a joy watching you do your thing on stage, and your dream-chasing inspires me so much. Can still remember that afternoon you bounced up to me and was like eh eh let you hear my trdo finals song and I was like ö when I heard the song! Because it was a feel-y song and i thought it would be difficult to pull off! But you did!!!!! So damn proud of you congratulations, you deserve it! 

You go girl, don't stop dreaming and don't stop chasing that dream ❤️

-- 

Yay ok end i might edit this post with pictures in the future but for now, goodnight world! Maybe my dreams will be filled with lots of leaps and jumps and tumbles from too much overload today woahhhhhhh 

X

Maddy 

(thoughts) anything but here, #maddays

Hello! The school holidays have f i n a l l y arrived but they're pretty much dreaded because it's thirty days of being trapped in the sunny island and doing nothing else much but studying ): which is pretty depressing but oh well well spent thirty days of studying is actually going to help me to catch up on all the stuff I've been making excuses for, and hopefully if I use the time well I can prove to myself that I can do it if I set my heart on achieving so.

Tired of feeling like I'm only second best, that I am not doing what is expected of me etc so time to chin up and pull up my socks and go!!!!!!  

But definitely it's a lot harder that it seems to be, three days on and I've not completed my work plan per day, either not working hard enough/not efficient enough or being unrealistic w my goals sigh 😭 

Also I'm super thankful for the holidays, it's a time to rest relax and recharge and really think about what I wanna do in life, three months ago I could tell you what my long established life ambition was but now I'm not sure. There's just too much life has to offer if I want to fight for it (idealist in me speaking here), and I wouldn't want to end up referring decisions I make much later on in life! 

Hope everyone has a good break with your loved ones and be able to spend some quiet alone time just staring into space and not feeling obliged to think about anything in particular. It's quite a nice feeling especially if you've been caught up in the hustle and bustle of life the past few weeks(: 

Here is a magical shot of yen's shoes on madday#3 because all the elements of the universe were cooperating- everything is coincidental - lighting, placement angle and there is no filter(: except I cropped the top off the picture and straightened it ever-so-slightly 

Happy midweek and have a good week ahead 

X

maddy 

PS #maddays is my tag for the thirty days of the holidays so I can look back and see that hey, life isn't as mundane as I thought it would be!!!