(thoughts) rollercoaster ride

Today I came to the realisation that I'm in school studying for no one but myself. No matter how crappy I believe my life to be, it's actually a lot better that it could have been.

The academic journey is such a long tough one. And I'm in my "final" year. At least for this year, I just want to live past this year and thrive. But it's so hard if you're alone! So yes, all those J1s out there reading this, make friends with your classmates. They're gonna be the bestest friends you could have in JC, they're the only ones who are gonna see you day in day out, on good hair days, on bad hair days, on zombie days, on happy days, on days when you feel like the world is going to crash, and they're the ones who are going to understand jokes your tutors share with your class, amongst other inside secret jokes only you guys know.

And today was one of those days that I felt that I wasn't being completely honest with myself, with my thoughts and I haven't actually come to a heart-head compromise YET. But I do think I will need to get over myself and figure what I really want to do. Because only I can live for myself. And friends will definitely come and go (dreading the day it happens). So I need to stop relying on others, be that bit more independent and self-reliant, that I always thought I was but actually am not.

Apart from the slightly heart-shattering news today, I think I was incredibly blessed to meet people all along the way back to school after lunch. I thought my brain would be going into overdrive once I got on the MRT platform, but I met a church friend and it was rly nice seeing that familiar face around (':

Then as I was going around running my errands I kept bumping into different people that kept doing nice things for me, listening to me and just empathising. So so grateful... You never know when you can literally brighten someone else's day with just a little bit of attention and interaction.

Thank you guys<3
--

That being said, today also marks the one-year-anniversary of freaking-out-before-auditions. I couldn't sleep last night this time, because I was so nervous I wouldn't be able to do well for my auditions. So thank you for letting me join the family, batch '13(: All the best tomorrow, auditionees, may tomorrow be your day(:

It really takes that much fate for people to come together in the same time and same place in this same universe. So thank you God once again for all that's happened to me so far, the good the bad the ugly.

--

"Chin up sweetie, tomorrow's a new day."

Even though this is what I said to a close friend of mine today, I think I need it just as much ):
And so do you! We all need a little encouragement now and then, because we need to know we're worth it (:


Hope you're having a better week than I am!

x

(thoughts) tired.

Hello! School's just began again, and recently I've just been feeling so tired out by the immense amount of work that has suddenly flooded my table. 

It's as if I'm but only in a small boat floating in the middle of the vast blur ocean, completely uncertain of the path I'm going to take in the future. Everyday I'm just fighting the water that's coming in and sinking my boat further. Doesn't help university application talks today were pretty overwhelming. 

One good thing that did come out of it all though, was open house with the batch! It was a rly fun day I'm so glad we are a batch, couldn't have asked for a more caring crazy cheerful candid colorful batch. Love you guys hehe. (':

Meet my batch! With our seniors who came back to support us! 

Also on a whim, decided to do an eye makeup look inspired by... Wait for it! 

... The eye shadow palette itself haha. 

Ok I cheat I just used the colours I liked+ what I thought might look nice together! this is my masterpiece heh. 

Will try to get around to do a proper tutorial of the look, hopefully soonnnn. I love the candy colours they look so spring and happy! 

Time to finish my essay outline before crashing for the day! 

X

(thoughts) inspired

Now that I think about it, I'm wondering if this space would be better put to use if I just rambled on about my thoughts and emotions as I get through this year. From the looks of it, it isn't going to be an easy year, I'm wondering if friends will come and go (as they have the year before), and I'm just curious to see what 2014 brings. I hope it brings lots of happiness and fulfillment, after all the hard work (A levels) is over (:

It's not that I'll be stopping what I've barely started on, I'll still be continuing, but I guess I'll share more about other things that come to mind?/ or when I feel like I need to share with the world something.

--

Today, I was inspired.

I am inspired because I saw for myself how much passion for something has driven people to achieve things they may not have dreamed of achieving.

I feel so incredibly blessed to have been able watch the people around me improve and grow, and keep on pushing, despite their struggles and their pain. Today felt like a break-through day, like the fruits of their hard work have culminated in good results. But sometimes we don't neccessarily need to do well, all we need to do is to have tried and improved in whatever we were doing.

Had a super long day in school, with PE. and then after that I had dance. But today's dance session showed me that we can do things if we just try, if we just push and hangon to that faint sense of hope, and to the very fact that we're not alone in our struggles. It's through struggles that we become more resilient, we mature.

For the past one year, I've been priveleged to watch a batchmate of mine improve. I first saw him at the side during auditions, and to myself I thought he wouldn't get through. But he did, and I was shocked. He was still extremely awkward when he danced and tried to catch steps, but he really tried over the year. He took amazing efforts, taking up extra dance activities so that he could improve. From someone I thought had "two-left-feet", his progress really inspired me. For our upcoming performance, he's going to do pairwork with a female batchmate of mine, which is something I would never have imagined when I first met him. It's like this small boy I knew matured over the span of one short year!

Seeing him improve, has spurred me on to do as best as I can for whatever I do, and in particular, it gives me hope that really, we will not stop improving as long as we try. (I know I sound cliche, but it's trueeeeee.)

My classmates also did extremely well for their academic competition, and I'm so happy for them today, because Ive seen how hard they worked, and just immense love for the subject they studied. It shows me that sometimes hard work definitely pays off, when its fueled by passion.

And that's about it for today. Immensely thankful for the good session we had today as a batch. I treasure days like these because we just get to spend so much time together. The way we bonded together was very very cool, and I'm so glad for every single one of them.

I hope the next batch coming in will find a family as we did.

x
maddy

(thoughts) Lessons Learnt in 2013

Disclaimer: This isn't really a makeup related post, but just some of my thoughts as we end off for the year(:

2013 has been a really wonderful year for me, and right now, the introvert inside me is really happy that I'm just potating (is that even a word) at home typing this entry, rather than be at some mega party with all the crowd, noise and all. 

I think I've been just way too busy this year. I've definitely been blessed with so many opportunities that I've managed to hang on to and keep close to my heart, yet at the same time, I've had to let go of so many others that I thought I would have grabbed at, because time was short. And time is short. Life is short. This year has been an eventful year, it's been a real whirlwind of emotions and I'm just so grateful to the people in my life who have stuck it out with me through thick and thin.

So I thought I'd just recollect and summarize my year in a few lessons I've learnt. I may be completely wrong, and I'm sure one day I'll look back at this entry and laugh at myself for being so naive, but here goes!

1. Face your feelings. 

(thank you ruth for articulating this so clearly to me this year!)

I think one of the things that people are afraid of doing is face what they really feel, because it is scary when you come to the realisation of what you feel. Sometimes we are afraid that our feelings are ugly, they are less than desirable, and they make us less than perfect. But truly, they are still ours. Even if we deny them, they'll come back and haunt us one day. Rather than run away from how we feel, I learnt that it's important to face them squarely. The beautiful, the ugly, those are still what make us human.

2. Daring to be ugly is what makes us beautiful.

Point 1 kind of led me to this. I learnt this life lesson through dance. It's when we bare our souls on stage, will we be able to touch the hearts of others. Somewhere out there, someone is going through the same challenges as us. I am comforted in knowing that there are other people out there struggling as I fight my battles in my day-to-day life. Whether it's meeting deadlines, relationship issues, academic stress, e.t.c. When I say "daring to be ugly" it just means being open to others. 

And perhaps, for those who believe in God, it's also about surrendering our troubles to God, allowing Him to strengthen us in our weakness. Because human strength is only so weak. (2 Cor 12:9)

3. Don't forget to dream. And chase them! 

This year, I took part in a concert. It's called "Anybody Can Dance: One Step Closer". Dancing for this concert was embodying my dream that had begun some 3/4 years ago. It really means a lot to me, because I really couldn't be happier with what I've done over the past year. Dance has given me a family, it has given me a place that I feel at home in (away from home), it is an outlet for me. At the same time, I have been able to use my skills (however little I have), to help make the lives of children a little better, and show them this new world that has been opened up to me because I dance. 

I don't think I'm good enough for many things yet, but this year has taught me to hope like I've never hoped before, and also to continue working even harder whilst having immense fun along the way!

4. Look up and out.

Look up and out, because the world is so much larger than you can ever imagine. It's so much wider and vaster and there's so many people out there better than you, perhaps more gorgeous, more intelligent, and more funny. We look out and find ourselves so so so small. 

Once in a while, we all need to humble ourselves to the fact that we aren't perfect. I thought I was going to survive well in school this year. I was happy to be assigned to a genius class and I thought I was going to do well. Honestly, my grades shocked me this year. For someone who values academics at this point in my life, I was really demoralised. Everywhere I look I see people better off than myself. 

And because of this I am spurred to work even harder to achieve my goals. In one of my darkest moments this year, someone told me to fight. Fight on because there are people out there fighting even harder than you are. And you fight because you want to make their battles worth it. At this point I'm reminded of young girls in less developed countries fighting for their lives, fighting to be free from child slavery, prostitution. Fighting for their rights to receive an education. I've been blessed to live in a stable country, receive amazing education and I so I shouldn't give up because I have opportunities others are fighting so hard to have. 

5. Love. 

Love your friends and most importantly, your family. They're the ones to stick with you even if you hurl a million insults at them, because blood is thicker than water, and they're the ones closest to you, the ones you know you can trust even when the whole world has their back against you. 

Thank you to my family for teaching me the meaning of unconditional love. 

Thank you to my friends for loving me and caring for me all throughout this year, even if I've been a horrible friend. Thank you for staying by me and for always helping me when I need it. You remind me I'm not alone in this world. 

And to a special friend of mine, thank you. Thank you for teaching me how to pick myself up when I've fallen, for listening to me when I felt so hopeless, when I felt I could talk to no-one. You were there to listen, to give me advice and a shoulder to cry on. You don't know how immensely you've impacted me this year, and inspired me to become a better friend for others.

And to someone I know, thank you for teaching me what love means. I thank you because as stuff happened, you were amazingly nice throughout it all, rather reassuring, and you still were there for me (not completely sure if you hated the fact that I still talked to you once in a while). I still treasure you as a friend, because you taught me pretty damn a lot about life, and I hope one day, all your worries and problems will resolve themselves, you'll be brave. You're a much decent person than you believe yourself to be, and I think you'll always have a special place in my heart. I wonder if we'll ever go back to being the way things were before. 

May 2014 be a better year. No doubt filled with lots of frustration and annoyance (exams!!!) but definitely it's gonna be another year to remember! All the best to everyone, and have a good year ahead!

Yay it's 12!!(:

{Favourites} My Best of 2013

Hello all! So I've taken a slight "hiatus" from blogging and reviewing. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't do so because I was having holidays! Issue is, I was slightlier busier than I expected to be on my research attachment, which kinda is boring. Except I had awesome seniors and mentors who took very good care of me during my attachment so yay for them(:

Anyway, I thought I'd do a short post on my favourites for the year 2013, since I'm not in the habit of doing month-lys. It's the best of whatever I've tried this year so far or what I've obsessed with using this year.

My favourite...

FOUNDATION- Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation 

I started using liquid foundation this year for events; I used to use the stick concealers for performances but I really hated the texture because I felt like all it did was clog my pores. My dermatologist told me that for my skin type (oily and combination) I should try to avoid powder compacts as they tend to clog pores (i.e. more pimples in future. blegh.)

I tried several formulas on in stores, but what I eventually got, and am very pleased with is the Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation. It's been amazing for me, keeping my skin looking matte and not caked up at the same time! The best part is that once it's on your skin, it's on!! It literally doesn't transfer onto anything. Goodbye smears of foundation on my costumes/ clothes/ etc. Love it!


CONCEALER- The Face Shop "Face it Radiance Dual Veil"

Bought this a while back but really only started using it this year. Love the formula of the liquid foundation! Haven't really tried the stick concealer though. It has a sheer coverage, not too cakey, and it lasts pretty long for me (I use it on the drier areas on my skin.).


EYELINER- Dollywink Liquid Eyeliner Deep Black

Bought this one in Japan in August so it's only been a few months but I've been enjoying it so much! (the version I have is the latest packaging with flowers on the barrel)

Easy-to-use, stays on all day even on my oily lids, flakes off rather than smudges-- what's not to love? (Full review coming up shortly!)

EYELINER (highlighter)- Holika Holika Jewel Light Waterproof Eyeliner in 08 Pink Topaz

Fell in love with the colour, and how lasting this is! Usually glittery eyeliners tend to have a lot of fall-out with several hours of wear, but this one really lasts the whole day for me! I use it to line the inner third of my waterline for that brightening effect(: Also, it's pretty inexpensive. Got mine for about 5 SGD off Qoo10.

I really dislike the matte black I have (of the same collection) though, gonna give it a few more tries before I decide to get rid of it!

EYEBROW PENCIL- Face Shop Lovely Me:Ex in Grey-Brown 

I suspect this has been discontinued, unless the repackaged one has the exact same formula. Regardless, it's been a winner for me this year because I just use it to fill up my brows as well as my overplucked tail-less eyebrow. <- HAHAH yes it was an accident when I was super sleepy oops. I really regret it cos now it's made my maintenance so much more difficult. Than when it was perfect after my Benefit brow experience. Sigh.

Not sure how natural this could be for those who need more shading on their brows, I'm one lucky girl blessed with thick thick brows I guess. Ok it could be a bad thing but I'll look on the bright side of things for now!

LIP PRODUCT- Etude House's Colour Pop Lips Talk in Swing Pop

One of my dearest batchmates got this from me from Korea when she was there and it's the perfect coral colour for me! Love that it's buildable, has a nice sheen to it when it dries so it really doesn't dry out and accentuate the cracks in your lips(: I appreciate lip products which fade after a while. May be messy for some but for me it assures me to know that I don't get stained lips at the end of the day, which is one of my greatest fears about using lip products and not taking them off properly!! (Stained lips= Darkened lips ): )

So I guess that's about the end of the post, I generally avoid eye shadows and blushes, so none on those. I just focused on what I realised I've been grabbing everytime I need to look that bit more presentable!

Hope you all had a great 2013, I know I definitely did!


x
maddy

Review: Purity by Philosophy Facial Wash

Hello! Sorry for the late updates, been really busy with school and exams! But now that the holidays have started, I'll try to post slightly more and update on what new stuff I have been trying out(:

I originally wanted to do a mega-post on the many facial washes I have used+ currently use, but I realised some of them are discontinued, so I've decided to update with one of my HGs ((holy grail)...

It's my Purity by Philosophy facial wash, that I've been enjoying for slightly less than a year now(: I purchased my first bottle of Purity in Sephora, London, together with my trusty Clarisonic Mia 2.

What drew me to this facial wash initially was the fact that it was included with the Mia before, so I assumed it would be a good product to have, to complement my Mia 2. I was quite disappointed when I discovered that it was no longer in a set with the Mia 2 ): Instead it came with the Boscia Cleansing Wash which I will review in a later post.

Philosophy Purity Made Simple is a pH-balanced formula that rapidly dissolves dirt and makeup while deep cleaning pores. The bestselling cleanser contains infusions of sage, chamomile, and carrot. (from Sephora.com)

PROS

Gentle on the skin-> unlike other washes I've used, this one doesn't leave my skin feeling particularly sticky nor tight, maybe it's because it's a more milky formula (which I know, doesn't appeal to everyone)

Moisturising-> leaves my skin feeling pretty hydrated and fresh

Can be used as a makeup remover-> YES it can! The lady at Sephora told me I could use this as a makeup remover in case I didn't like it as a facial wash, since it's more milky than bubbly. To use this as a makeup remover, deposit some on a clean cotton facial pad and wipe away gently.

CONS

Milky-> Sometimes after a really long day at school/work, all you wanna do is just to feel fresh and clean. This facial wash sometimes doesn't leave us with the super squeaky clean feeling, because it's bubble-free, so not everyone will like it!

Herby smell- I read in a review (can't remember by who, exactly) that it smelt of rosemary. I didn't pay particular attention to the scent of the wash at first until it was pointed out, and that beauty blogger didn't like the smell. My pregnant aunt also really dislikes the scent too!

Rating: 4.0/5.0

Would repurchase if I run out(:

Till next time!

x maddy

Update- PS. Have finished one travel sized bottle. one 8oz. version, and I've started on my 24oz (the monstrous one) bottle. Still loving it! My sister who recently tried it also really loves it! (:

Review: Bifesta Bright-up Cleansing Lotion

Hello! I'll be reviewing a product that I've been using for a while now, the Bifesta Bright-Up Cleansing Lotion! 

It's a very popular product with many Youtubers and bloggers, and it's often said to be a drugstore dupe for the high end Bioderma SensibioH2O Micelle Solution, and so I had to try it out for myself! 

Bifesta Cleansing Lotions are produced by Mandom Corp., also home to other famous Japanese brands like Gatsby, Lucido-L and Pixy. Bifesta only specialises in make-up removers, though. The Bifesta Cleansing Lotion comes in four variants for different skin types: Moist (dry and sensitive skin), Sebum (combination-oily), Brightup (dull and flaky), and Agecare (mature). 

The one I have is the Bifesta x Disney Bright-up Cleansing Solution, which seems to only be available in Japan. Rest assured, the only difference is that the purple bottle has Tinkerbell's silhouette on it, the product is exactly the same, haha. Trust the Japanese and their marketing strategies... 

PROS

Light, cooling finish-> Unlike many other makeup removers I have used, the Bifesta Cleansing Lotion is one that is water-based, so it doesn't leave behind sticky greasy residues unlike oil-based makeup removers. My skin also feels hydrated and rejuvenated after use, again, compared to oil-based makeup removers where my skin feels "suffocated". [Yes, after years of using oil-based cleansers which my mum claimed to be effective, I've managed to find a good water-based remover which, in all honesty, helps me to wipe off residual make-up without too much hassle! ]


Gentle-> The Bifesta makeup removers help to easily remove makeup without causing the skin around my eyes to sting even after eye makeup removal. Another water-based makeup remover I tried, the Gentle Eye Makeup Remover by Estee Lauder really hurt the skin around my eyes, but this Bifesta one doesn't at all. Yay! This means I can clean the eyeliner off the waterline of my eye easily, without feeling apprehensive of the potential pain (:

Effective-> I feel like regular daily makeup is not really a good way to test the effectiveness of a good makeup remover, so I usually prefer to test out makeup removers on the stage makeup we put on before our performances (I dance in school so there are times when we are required to layer on the foundation and the full works.). Surprisingly, even though it's water-based, the Bifesta was extremely effective in removing even the most stubborn eyeliners (waterproof, non-smudge). It even managed to dissolve some of my eyelash glue so false eyelashes could be removed easily without too much tugging.(Too much tugging is bad for your eyelids in the long run as they'll sag in the future >: )

Pretty packaging-> Sounds silly, but so important to me, because the bottle looks really nice in the tray together with all my other facial products (:

Easily dispensed-> The Bifesta bottle I have comes with a pump, so no worries about hygiene; because all you have to do is to pump the required amount onto cotton pads. Once they are damp/soaked (depending on how you prefer them), you're good to go! No worrying about capping the bottle tightly, super hassle-free!

Eco-friendly-> Yes, as with many other Japanese products, refills are available in plastic packets! I managed to get my hands on refills for the "Moist" Cleansing Solution, so I'll probably be updating with more information once I use it, for a comparison between "Brightup" and "Moist"

CONS

Possibly a lock on the bottle-> So you don't dispense too much at a go accidentally if you don't need it.

A fair bit is required for easy removal-> Personally I like my cotton pads soaked with the makeup remover, so that I don't have to rub my skin too hard. But I guess this is really up to personal preference. Besides, even if you feel like using lots of it is a waste, compared to the Bioderma, I'd say Bifesta will still be friendlier on the pocket!

Rating: 4.5/5.0

I would repurchase this product! (I have refill packs at home waiting for me, anyway :D)