(thoughts) rollercoaster ride

Today I came to the realisation that I'm in school studying for no one but myself. No matter how crappy I believe my life to be, it's actually a lot better that it could have been.

The academic journey is such a long tough one. And I'm in my "final" year. At least for this year, I just want to live past this year and thrive. But it's so hard if you're alone! So yes, all those J1s out there reading this, make friends with your classmates. They're gonna be the bestest friends you could have in JC, they're the only ones who are gonna see you day in day out, on good hair days, on bad hair days, on zombie days, on happy days, on days when you feel like the world is going to crash, and they're the ones who are going to understand jokes your tutors share with your class, amongst other inside secret jokes only you guys know.

And today was one of those days that I felt that I wasn't being completely honest with myself, with my thoughts and I haven't actually come to a heart-head compromise YET. But I do think I will need to get over myself and figure what I really want to do. Because only I can live for myself. And friends will definitely come and go (dreading the day it happens). So I need to stop relying on others, be that bit more independent and self-reliant, that I always thought I was but actually am not.

Apart from the slightly heart-shattering news today, I think I was incredibly blessed to meet people all along the way back to school after lunch. I thought my brain would be going into overdrive once I got on the MRT platform, but I met a church friend and it was rly nice seeing that familiar face around (':

Then as I was going around running my errands I kept bumping into different people that kept doing nice things for me, listening to me and just empathising. So so grateful... You never know when you can literally brighten someone else's day with just a little bit of attention and interaction.

Thank you guys<3
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That being said, today also marks the one-year-anniversary of freaking-out-before-auditions. I couldn't sleep last night this time, because I was so nervous I wouldn't be able to do well for my auditions. So thank you for letting me join the family, batch '13(: All the best tomorrow, auditionees, may tomorrow be your day(:

It really takes that much fate for people to come together in the same time and same place in this same universe. So thank you God once again for all that's happened to me so far, the good the bad the ugly.

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"Chin up sweetie, tomorrow's a new day."

Even though this is what I said to a close friend of mine today, I think I need it just as much ):
And so do you! We all need a little encouragement now and then, because we need to know we're worth it (:


Hope you're having a better week than I am!

x

(thoughts) tired.

Hello! School's just began again, and recently I've just been feeling so tired out by the immense amount of work that has suddenly flooded my table. 

It's as if I'm but only in a small boat floating in the middle of the vast blur ocean, completely uncertain of the path I'm going to take in the future. Everyday I'm just fighting the water that's coming in and sinking my boat further. Doesn't help university application talks today were pretty overwhelming. 

One good thing that did come out of it all though, was open house with the batch! It was a rly fun day I'm so glad we are a batch, couldn't have asked for a more caring crazy cheerful candid colorful batch. Love you guys hehe. (':

Meet my batch! With our seniors who came back to support us! 

Also on a whim, decided to do an eye makeup look inspired by... Wait for it! 

... The eye shadow palette itself haha. 

Ok I cheat I just used the colours I liked+ what I thought might look nice together! this is my masterpiece heh. 

Will try to get around to do a proper tutorial of the look, hopefully soonnnn. I love the candy colours they look so spring and happy! 

Time to finish my essay outline before crashing for the day! 

X

(thoughts) inspired

Now that I think about it, I'm wondering if this space would be better put to use if I just rambled on about my thoughts and emotions as I get through this year. From the looks of it, it isn't going to be an easy year, I'm wondering if friends will come and go (as they have the year before), and I'm just curious to see what 2014 brings. I hope it brings lots of happiness and fulfillment, after all the hard work (A levels) is over (:

It's not that I'll be stopping what I've barely started on, I'll still be continuing, but I guess I'll share more about other things that come to mind?/ or when I feel like I need to share with the world something.

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Today, I was inspired.

I am inspired because I saw for myself how much passion for something has driven people to achieve things they may not have dreamed of achieving.

I feel so incredibly blessed to have been able watch the people around me improve and grow, and keep on pushing, despite their struggles and their pain. Today felt like a break-through day, like the fruits of their hard work have culminated in good results. But sometimes we don't neccessarily need to do well, all we need to do is to have tried and improved in whatever we were doing.

Had a super long day in school, with PE. and then after that I had dance. But today's dance session showed me that we can do things if we just try, if we just push and hangon to that faint sense of hope, and to the very fact that we're not alone in our struggles. It's through struggles that we become more resilient, we mature.

For the past one year, I've been priveleged to watch a batchmate of mine improve. I first saw him at the side during auditions, and to myself I thought he wouldn't get through. But he did, and I was shocked. He was still extremely awkward when he danced and tried to catch steps, but he really tried over the year. He took amazing efforts, taking up extra dance activities so that he could improve. From someone I thought had "two-left-feet", his progress really inspired me. For our upcoming performance, he's going to do pairwork with a female batchmate of mine, which is something I would never have imagined when I first met him. It's like this small boy I knew matured over the span of one short year!

Seeing him improve, has spurred me on to do as best as I can for whatever I do, and in particular, it gives me hope that really, we will not stop improving as long as we try. (I know I sound cliche, but it's trueeeeee.)

My classmates also did extremely well for their academic competition, and I'm so happy for them today, because Ive seen how hard they worked, and just immense love for the subject they studied. It shows me that sometimes hard work definitely pays off, when its fueled by passion.

And that's about it for today. Immensely thankful for the good session we had today as a batch. I treasure days like these because we just get to spend so much time together. The way we bonded together was very very cool, and I'm so glad for every single one of them.

I hope the next batch coming in will find a family as we did.

x
maddy